It's not burned

I was making dinner tonight, three separate dinners. Before you become impressed, just realize one of those three dinners was a frozen pepperoni pizza from Walmart. The second dinner was filet mignon with a specific type of gravy that requires a hard boiled egg. The third dinner was a homemade pizza. 

This is due to the fact that my youngest two children (2 years old and 5 years old) only like my homemade pizza. My oldest two children (7 years old and 9 years old) only like pizza from the store. And my husband wanted filet mignon with mashed potatoes and gravy. 

First I cooked my homemade pizza. Easy enough, 500 degree oven for ten minutes. As soon as I put the pizza in, my four children crash into the kitchen hooting and hollering and playing and being children. 

“Guys, I'm serious, I can not cook these dinners with y'all in here. You need to go in your room and I'll call you when it's done.”

But they kept playing. 

Again I made my requests known in a louder voice. Now they obeyed. I take the homemade pizza out, and put in the store bought pizza. I set the timer to 15 minutes.

I'm also frantically stirring the gravy realizing it's too thick, adding more water, trying to get a good sear on the filet mignon without burning it, and the timer goes off for the pizza. I open the oven to see almost a black pizza. 

I had forgotten to reset the oven temperature down to 400, as per the frozen pizza instructions, instead of the 500 degrees I cook my homemade pizzas at. I immediately felt extreme panic and anger. How could I be so stupid? How could I ruin my children's dinner? 

Quickly I called my children to the table and served them their pizza. I frantically tried to get them to eat it as fast as I could, fearing my husband seeing the pizza and witnessing my utter failure. 

Then my husband came in. I served him his food. We all sat down at the table. 

“Mom burned the pizza but it's still good.” My daughter said.

“It’s not burned. It's better that way.” My husband replied. 

I couldn't believe it. This is the type of gaslighting which I actually welcome and appreciate. My husband is not shy to criticize my cooking, I even think he rather enjoys it– which is what made his statement so shocking.

“I accidentally cooked it at 500 degrees instead of 400. It's black.” I explained.

He told me how the last time I tried to cook a frozen pizza, it looked perfect on the outside, but in the middle it wasn't even fully cooked yet. He said it's much better to have a black crust and a fully cooked pizza then a perfect looking pizza that makes you sick. 

Suddenly I felt God placing on my heart to listen to the allegory in the experience. I thought about the burden in my life. The one burden I carry every day: not having a home. Living in my mother-in law’s house, against her wishes. Being a burden was the burden I had to carry. I always have the sense in myself of being a failure because of this. Like everything is completely ruined for me. I was the black pizza. Unsalvageable. I covet my neighbors house, and I'm jealous of other women and their homes. 

But suddenly I realized that, a lot of the time, other people have pizzas that look perfect on the outside, and inwardly everything is undone and unpalatable. On the outside it looks like something to be desired, but really if I had it, I would get sick from what's truly lurking inside. 

My life may look to others like a black, burned pizza, unsalvageable. It even seems that way to me sometimes. But what I learned tonight is that it's not. On the inside, everything is exactly cooked to perfection, exactly what it needs to be to be healthy. Yes, the edges were burned in the scorching heat, and maybe it would be better if they weren't. But thank God, and praise the Lord, at least the insides fully cooked and well done, despite looking flawed on the outside. 

Are you suffering through a burden in your life? Is there something about you that you consider irredeemable? Don't think that way. It's not burned. You're being put through the fire for a reason: to become better. And in the end, with your burned edges and your blackened cheese, despite how it differently it looks than what you envisioned: it will be better than it was before. It's not burned. 

2 Corinthians 4:18

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

1 Corinthians 3:13

Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire sh

all try every man's work of what sort it is.